Romance Eat My Butt
by dear KiSMETT
Summary: NejiTen — ・・ It wasn’t intentional. But personal experiences mess up with fate and give you more than what you want. The thing is, spitting your drink on Mr. Perfect leads to something not-so-perfect. And romance is not even close to it. So God help me.
1. Spoil It, Spit It

_**Naruto© is all Kishimito Masashi-sensei's copyright property. **_

_**(But **__Me.4.U__** has a right to dream like everybody else. Right?)**_

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Summary: **It wasn't intentional. But personal experiences mess up with fate and give you more than you bargained for. The thing is, spitting your drink on Mr. So-Perfect leads to something not-so-perfect. And romance is not even something close to it. So help me, God.

**Character Pairing:** _Neji _**x** _Tenten_.

**Set:** Alternate Universe (AU).

**Warning:** Cliché-ness is one, complete idiocy and utter awkward moments add to the list. Make sure you don't end up spitting your drink / popcorn on the computer screen.

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**Romance Eat My Butt**

_**Me.4.U**_

・・ one ・・ _Spoil It, Spit It_

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I am Tenten. Amane Tenten. An Invisible. So…

Where would I place myself in the popularity status of Konoha High? Well, that's hard. Considering that I am invisible, which means that I can't be labeled. Or at least nobody ever noticed me and took the time to label me.

Heck, I'm not even part of this pyramid thingy we got.

We have the Smarts, the kids that sit in the front of the class and raise their hand for every answer while kissing our teachers' asses for some reason which is stupid because the teachers already love them.

Well, there isn't anything wrong with being smart. I'm smart, smarter than I'd prefer actually. But you see, there's different kinds of smart. There's the Smarts, smart. The kids that enjoy reading textbooks for fun and look forward to homework. Then there's the people who are smart but don't show it, usually the stoners and the troublemakers. And then you got the people who just sit on the side lines and do their work as it comes but don't look forward to it, like me and the majority of the school that has brains. Then you have the airheads who don't get a thing and are like teaching walls because their heads don't absorb any new information unless it has to do with shopping, make-up, or boys. Yeah, I bet you can guess who they are right?

My school is the most clichéd school on the planet I bet. I seriously hate it. It's like a teen movie come to life. We have our jocks, our stoners, our smarts, and our outcasts, our nerds, our preps and then you got us. (OK, me as in ME, who is even lower than an airhead. Seriously.)

My two friends and I who no one knows exist. Don't believe me? One time I actually got sat on. Afterwards the guy quickly apologized and said that he didn't see me there. Seriously, how could you not see me! It wasn't like I blend into the bench. (Heck, my friends get more spotlight than necessary!)

In all honesty, I still don't know how I don't stand out, not that I _want_ to. But it's pretty obvious why I would. My hair is russet-ish, normal-ish, brown-ish pure reddish auburn. It isn't dyed or highlighted, it's natural. Unfortunately. Although, I'd never dye it I still dislike it. Don't even get me started on it.

And lucky me, last year it was 'in style' to dye your hair reddish. But did you ever notice that when you see someone with dyed reddish-russet hair, it doesn't look natural at all? It comes out more purple or fire engine red. It never comes out quite like mine, which confuses me as to wonder why nobody still can't see me. (Not that I'm being whiny about it.)

Along with my russet hair, I have those amber-ish-hazel eyes, I stand about 5'10'', and yes I have been told to try out for basketball, and I weigh about as much as a toothpick. Well, maybe not that skinny, but I'm not exactly on the heavy side at all. And seriously, I have no idea why because if you see my eating habits, you would not know how I stay so thin. It's a medical mystery I tell you. I eat more than a pig does. And I'm lovin' it. (Fine, I love food, OK?)

So, that's me. Wouldn't you notice a girl like me in a crowd full of blonds and brunettes and glitter? Yeah, I'm the one with bright russet-brown hair and absolute no make-up. But still, I'm invisible.

My two best friends in this whole wide universe are of the same status but they don't dwell on it nearly as much as I do.

One of them, Uzumaki Naruto is around 6 foot with brightly spiky golden blonde hair and amazingly alluring happy blue eyes. His life revolves around noodles and ramen or whatever stupid and _cars_. Seriously, the guy can fix up anything and figure out what's wrong with just one look at your car or even sometimes just with a little noise you make, imitating your hunk of junk, he can pinpoint exactly what your problem is. He's a genius at that (but really, at normal perspective, he is far from being smart). He wants to own his own shop and could care less about me talking about how we are nobody's in the crowd of high school clichéd students.

He simply tells me that we should be happy that we don't fit into a category, that we are unique. And he also threatened to do something to my car next time he fixes it if I don't be quiet. Yeah, he loves me. I love him too, and gosh, he's like an awesome little bro / bud on the universe. Always so upbeat and enthusiastically positive in every aspect of life.

Anyway, my other friend is Haruno Sakura, an extremely short-tempered and vein-popper girl. We have been friends for as long as I can remember seeing as though our moms were best friends since they were in grade school. She's about 5'6'' and a half with bubblegum pink hair (NATURAL and I'm serious) and jaded green eyes. And let me tell you one thing, she is in love with an art-nerd-and-prep named Sai. And Sai (who hangs out with us sometimes because of her), he simply doesn't know it.

So that's us, the invisible nobodies. Me and my two friends, who happen to be already destined for certainly amazing people and me, left with no one.

You say my life is dull, well you are far from right. I actually do have fun, and _lots_ of fun. Probably more fun than normal kids my age because me and my friends don't hold back. We hang out all the time and do some pretty crazy things that I would not like to discuss at the moment, because the police are still looking for the group of 'gang members' that decided to have a paintball war in the Konoha Wal-Mart parking lot. I plead the 5th.

Well, so that brings me here. Tonight we decided to go see the newest parody movie that totally makes fun of clichés and me, Naruto, and Sakura were going to label the characters as real people in our school. You say it's cruel, I say it's hilarious. Especially because the characters really fit the profile.

So while Naruto was getting the food and drinks Sakura and I went to find three seats. Always the back and center baby, the best seats in the house. So… we found them and sat down. I always have to sit in the end because Sakura always insists on sitting next to Naruto (so she could damage his brain if he gets a little _too_ stupid).

The movie previews started rolling to pass by the 5 minutes we had left and Naruto came in and handed us our sodas and popcorn.

And then our night took a turn for the worse. Wouldn't it just so happen that Hyuuga Neji, and his two best friends, Sasuke (Sakura's ex) and Shikamaru (Naruto's childhood buddy) have to come see the movie too? And sit right in front of us. I swear they didn't even take a glimpse to see who they were sitting in front of, once again the sign of invisibility, so now I am staring at the back of Hyuuga Neji's (pinball) head. Although his long hair is quite nice.

So, who is Neji you ask? Well to put it lightly he is the most popular, wanted, adored, and gorgeous guy in our school. Totally part of our cliché. And yes, I admit he's gorgeous. Anyone who says he isn't, is out of their minds. And like me, I'm one of them. At least, I used to be. (I still am.)

He's about the same height as Naruto but he is totally past the 6-foot mark (6'4"? Or 6'5"?) and has the longest hair—for a male—I have ever seen, it's seriously the definition of gay-beau. And his eyes aren't even a normal eye color. They are totally pallid, a mixture of pale silver and lilac, but perfect _white_. Yes all three, and that alone makes you want to let out a girly gasp. Let's just say that his body is **perfect**. He isn't too muscular but not scrawny at all. He's _perfect_. And everyone knows it. Including himself. (Asshole.)

So, him sitting in front of us totally just ruined our night. Now we can't make fun of him and the other populars in our school because he is sitting right in front of me and will definitely hear.

My friends and I exchanged sad and devastated glances and slumped in our seats as the movie started.

It wasn't nearly as fun watching it without saying the names of kids in our classes but it was still funny.

So, here we were halfway through the movie when the dark—as in abnormally _dark_—haired bimbo comes on the screen, who is a splitting image of Whatever Karin—who I have no idea what surname she has—our very own head cheerleader and girlfriend of the other hottie that's sitting right in front of Sakura. Uchiha Sasuke, the duckling-chicken-ass-head. Sakura's EX.

We hear Naruto whisper the bimbo's name, not caring anymore and Sakura starts cracking up. Oh yeah, Sasuke's stupid enough to let her go.

Anyway, I did too, you know? Cracked up. I burst out sooooo much, it was uncontrollable. Except at that moment… I was also drinking.

So guess where my drink went…

That's right. Out of my big mouth and all over I'm-Mr.-So-Perfect-Beg-Down Hyuuga Neji.

Now, my mouth is agape, jaws dropping, and eyes gouging out of their sockets and he is standing up glaring at me with that Icy Glare of Death as he wipes the second hand lemonade juice from the back of his leather jacket and neck and gods, his oh-so-precious loooong hair, while I am horrified and mortified and my friends are laughing even more.

_Gulp._

I don't think I'm invisible anymore.

(And even though I want to, I don't think I'm brave enough to crack up even more with them.)

Fate loves me. Really. But God loves me _sooooooooooooo_ much more.

I think I'm ready to die.

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**Forthcoming Chapter: **・・ two ・・ _Funny, I Snore_

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**Footnotes:** Uh. I don't have much to say, except that this is probably kind of similar to other clichéd high school fics out there. I liked writing it. And yes, there will be subtle hints of other pairings like: SaiSakuSasu (because I pity Sasuke), NaruHina, and ShikaIno. I will try to update as fast as I can, since it is summer vacation right now.

Comments / Reviews / Whatevers would be greatly appreciated, but of course not required. :)

I hope you liked it!

Until next time.

—_Me.4.U_


	2. Funny, I Snore

**Romance Eat My Butt**

_**Me.4.U**_

・・ two ・・ _Funny, I Snore_

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I don't know what happened to me. I think the whole chaotic frightening situation made me get lost in my thoughts. I had the three most popular guys in my school standing in front of me, glaring at me, one in particular was looking as if he was ready to kill me. My two best friends were falling out of their seats now because they still hadn't stopped laughing and there was this really big guy a few rows down who was now watching us with more amusement than he was watching the movie with.

And he had this trail of butter dripping down his chin. I couldn't help it, I inwardly laughed. This would be about the time that I would tell Sakura that he wants her to go lick it off, and Naruto and I would start laughing while she would look horror-struck. But seeing the situation I was currently in, I really couldn't.

A laugh must have escaped my lips though because a second later, a deep bone chilling voice brought me back to reality.

The reality where Hyuuga Neji just got my second hand lemonade juice down the back of his neck. (And his poor, poor hair.)

"You think this is _funny_?" he hissed angrily, still trying to wipe his neck clean (and his precious long hair). I was about to tell him that he would need a wet cloth in order to fully clean himself since the sugar and corn syrup in the juice would make his skin sticky but I didn't think that was a good idea at the moment.

"Um, no, I don't think that it is funny…. Really. Um. I was laughing at something else," I said quickly, trying not to make the situation any worse. People were starting to stare and some were even turned in their seats and watching in fascination.

Earlier in the movie, the 'geek girl' of the movie accidentally stumbled and dropped her project on the 'popular guy's' shoes. All by supposedly 'fate' because the movie was a mockery of 'cliché' like I said. And everyone knows that the hot popular guy and the shy nerdy girl always fall in love and live happily ever after. (What a boob.)

So now they must think that their movie had come to life, under slightly different circumstances, of course. But I wondered why they still watched, seeing as though Neji was not looking at me with_ love-at-first-sight _eyes but more of_** I'm-going-to-kill-you-and-no-one-will-find-the-body **_eyes. I swallowed and my throat was dry. I went to reach for my (yuuummmy) lemonade juice, but when I saw his eyes widen as he followed my hand, I stopped.

I stood up.

"I'm sorry, seriously I didn't mean to…spit my lemonade on you," I said with my best smile while I kicked Sakura's leg to make her shut up.

This had to be the most mortifying moment of my life.

Neji continued to glare at me, so I quickly looked away. Those eyes were killers. Beautiful, sexy even…but extreme killers. He seemed as though he could kill me with just one look and I wasn't ready to die yet. Really.

Something caught my attention from the corner of my eye and I shifted my gaze.

Oh no. How could I have not noticed before? There were _four _of them! Inuzuka Kiba—not really a popular—was also with them and he was looking at me like he was thinking hard about something. And that isn't good for Kiba because he isn't exactly a smart one. He's rather… slow—like Naruto, really. In the head of course. But give that kid a football and he goes…okay, getting off topic now.

"I know you." Kiba stated smiling as he crossed his arms over his chest. I just stared back at him.

It figures. The kid finally says something but it doesn't make any sense.

Was he going to say something else or was he too 'proud' of himself that he recognized me in the first place?

Sakura hiccupped beside me and stood up.

"We're sorry, really…um…well…we were joking and…Naruto said something really funny and…well, we didn't know she was drinking," She said stumbling through her words as she glanced meaningfully at me from the corner of her eye.

That a girl Sakura. Thanks for stating the obvious.

"I _know_ you," Kiba repeated, his grin widening while he nodded knowingly. His eyes scrutinizing every part of me. Um. Ew.

"We get it," Neji snapped at him but Kiba was unfazed.

Instead, he said right into my face, "You snore ya know." Like, it was out of the blue.

My eyes widened. This kid was crazy! What the hell was he talking about? I snore? What… does he sneak in my room at night or something?

"Excuse me?" I managed to blurt out.

"You fell asleep in class last week and you started snoring," He said like it was the funniest thing in the world. "I remember the hair," he added, pointing to the russet-fury…also known as _my_ hair.

It was my turn to glare. Like, my best death glare.

"You go to _our _school?" Neji asked with disbelief, but amusement played in his eyes. He's joking, right? Right?

Oh _no_, Neji. We've just been in _all _the same classes for…well…ever. Actually, you sit two seats away from me in physics and we were partners in 6th grade for our history assignment. But no, we don't go to the same school. Believe me.

"Oh yeah, they do," Shikamaru said, finally speaking up. I'd hate to say this, but Nara Shikamaru was the smartest (aside from Mr. So-Perfect) of little their group. Neji was _REALLY _smart academically and all-in-all everything, but on the other hand, Shikamaru…well he talked using big words that confused the hell out of even me. And heck, he's IQ was probably above 200.

"Um…excuse me but if you wish to socialize you are going to have to do it _outside_ or **anywhere** BUT _here_," a skinny movie worker, holding a flashlight said as he suddenly appeared and approached us out of the blue.

Socialize? You're kidding, right? Who would socialize with a bunch of pigheads? Certainly not me.

"No problem," Neji, who seemed to just want to get over _everything_, muttered as he gave me one last glance before walking out of the movie theater, still rubbing his neck and smoothing his oh-so-lovely hair. OK. His eyes looked…a little different just then. God, him and his egotistic guts.

"Well…see ya in class," Kiba winked at me before trailing behind the Hyuuga with Shikamaru and Sasuke, who was looking very amused by the whole situation. Freak off.

I looked over to Sakura and Naruto with a disbelieving look and realized that they were looking at me the same exact way.

"He said _I_ **snore**!" I cried in disbelief, throwing my arms wild in the air.

Before I knew it they were laughing again.

"What?" I demanded, starting to get irritated.

"You—just—spit your soda—on Hyuuga Neji and—you're talking about—how—Kiba—said—you SNORE," Naruto gagged in-between breaths.

I opened my mouth to elaborate on the pure humiliation that I just was submitted to, but I was rudely interrupted.

"Sorry but I warned you, you'll have to leave now. You're disrupting the other people here." The same scrawny guy said.

I glared at him and he gulped. Yeah…don't get in the way of a brunette-ish reddish heads (like me) when they've got temper issues. Mix brunette and red and you get me. Piss me off? You _don't_ want that.

"Fine," I said with a fake smile, resisting the urge to just grumble and poke his bones out.

I walked over to the large guy that I've seen earlier, who was still staring at us, and motioned to his chin. "You have butter on your chin, and my friend Sakura over there was wondering if she could lick it off," I said before walking through the doors.

Before they shut, I heard a terrified shriek from Sakura and smiled. That was for laughing at me.

I walked straight out the main doors and straight to the car.

"Tenten wait!" I heard Naruto call and I turned to look at him and Sakura walking toward me.

"Where did you think I would go? You drove." I deadpanned.

"Why would you say that?!" Sakura screeched when she finally made it over to me. Gosh, her temper finally cracked. This is baaaad.

I tried to hold back my smile but couldn't. "I thought he was your type?" I teased, my body shaking with laughter. "Was he not?" I asked innocently.

"That was mean. He looked at me like he was going to eat me next!" she said in hysterics while Naruto and I burst out laughing to no end.

"I wouldn't have let him. Don't worry, Sakura-chan!" Naruto promised as he wrapped an arm around Sakura's shoulder and her face immediately burned with real fury and smack the heck out of Naruto.

Ah, the jooooys of friendship!

"So…this has been an eventful night, huh?" Sakura asked, changing the subject, slapping Naruto's face away repeatedly as he tried to apologize to her. But then, he turned to me, rubbing his sore face. He groaned a "That hurt like an elephant's butt." Sakura scooted away from him.

"So yeah, anyway, _yeah_ it definitely has been a waaaay eventful night," Naruto said, grinning widely and innocently at me. That was my clue that he would never let me live it down. He was evil. And he called himself my friend.

"We didn't even get to finish the movie," I complained, ignoring his mocking remark.

"Well, let's just put it this way…the jock professes his love to the geek and they all live happily ever after." Naruto stated, nodding approvingly at himself and grinning wider than a normal person could. (He _is_ abnormal sometimes.) He referred to the ending of the movie awhile ago.

"Gee thanks, now I don't have to rent it when it comes out," I replied sarcastically, getting in the car.

"No problem," Naruto said, snickering maniacally, starting the engine and letting it roar. You know? Like a lion?

"I definitely got my eight dollars worth," Sakura said smiling with an evil glint in each of her green eyes, nudging me teasingly.

Rolling my eyes, I scrunched up my nose. Seriously, did they know how much I wanted to pull the incredibly long stick out of Hyuuga Neji's ass that it seemed like _I _am the only one capable to see? And that how much I wanted to poke his Hyuuga eyes with my second hand straw and gouge them out? I swear I don't care if they're sexy or not. He's a jerk.

But I care more about what Kiba said. I can't believe he said I **snore**! Damn it. I've got enough humiliation.

Regardless, I spoke with complete dismay lacing my voice. "Yeah, I hope you enjoyed the show. Because when Monday comes, I will once again be invisible and I will make sure to never spit my soda out on Mr. So-Perfect-Beg-Down-On-Your-Knees again," I said dryly. "Therefore, I will never have another confrontation with him. For once, I appreciate my social status! No, seriously. I do. Thank God, I'm Invisible."

"Hey, you never know. You might have started your own cliché," the pinkette teased like a psycho.

"Maybe…" I said, glaring at her. "Ever heard of the one where the girl falls in love with her archenemy but keeps it hidden?" I asked with a smirk forming on my lips as her face paled. She knew I was referring to her so-called enemy, Sai. Her soul mate.

"What about it?" Naruto asked as he pulled out of the movie theater.

"Ah, nothing. I just really like that one," I said smiling at my pink-haired bestie. The golden-blonde just shook his head.

"I still can't believe you spat your lemonade on THE Hyuuga Neji," Naruto said laughing again and Sakura joined in.

"Really? Well…_I_ can't believe that Kiba said I **snore**." I grumbled, only causing them to laugh harder.

Huh, what a night.

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**Forthcoming Chapter: **・・ three ・・ _Dream A Nightmare_

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**Footnotes:** Finally. Chap. 2! I hope it was enough. It's pretty boring but it will get better, hopefully. And Chap. 1 was edited. I just can't fit Tenten as Sakura's sister…so yeah, she's got her own surname now. And her own family. I hope you guys don't mind, considering this is _fanfiction_.

Comments / Reviews / Whatevers would be greatly appreciated, but of course not required. :)

Thank you to those who took the time to read this! And I uploaded this chapter all over again due to missed errors. But now I fixed them. I'm sorry about that! Until next time.

—_Me.4.U_


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